Purely Routine Episode 3 — Becoming Super Rog!
January 1, 2025
Prepare to be amused (or annoyed; your choice)!
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Happy New Year!
OK, I’m early — It’s New Year’s Eve!
RESOLVED
If you’re anything like me (first, condolences), you love change.
New starts, new opportunities, new directions, new horizons, new perspectives.
But you HATE New Year Resolutions.
Why?
Because no matter how many times I make the exact same resolution (lose weight): Never bestowed. Never granted. Never achieved.
Where’s the holiday magic?
Rumor is, Resolution Results require Roger.
Wait, what?
I’m supposed to do something? Like being bald, old, and fat is my fault?
Pffffsssttttt.
That’s one serious flaw.
As observed during the first season of Star Trek: The New Generation (told you I’m old), the future has cured fatness (everyone is so lean and fit) but not baldness (Captain Picard). Fine. My doctor never worries about how bald I am (a lot). Never even mentions it. Not even age can be reversed in the Star Trek future. But fatness? Resolved!
That’s a resolution I support.
Meanwhile, stuck in this Twilight Time Zone, I am forced to do something to lose weight. Change something. My doctor recommended I research weight loss drugs – terrifying side effects, including dizziness, which combined with my preexisting susceptibility to extreme spinning vertigo, all rate an energetic “Hell No!” I informed my doctor I would research options before our next meeting, like time travel to the fat-free future of the United Federation of Planets.
Investigations continue.
Meanwhile, in the now near future of 2025, refusing drugs leaves weight loss scams – like diet and exercise. Change and effort – I want a HAPPY, not crappy, New Year.
Clearly, Magic has failed.
I don’t want to go to the gym, or even leave the house (until the ice melts and I can fish), so I researched: “exercises for seniors with no equipment” (meaning “gym equipment,” not whatever YOU were thinking). I found many YouTube videos, saved them to a newly created playlist, period.
Now I suppose I’ll need to watch them. Weight loss – it’s like work.
Magic. It’s like it doesn’t even exist anymore.
My next doctor’s appointment is in 13 days, soooooooooooo….
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You Call That Progress?
Be It Resolved:
“I, Roger A. Ford, being of some mind and ample body, do hereby attest and affirm that a collection of essays, to be hereinafter referred to as: Becoming Super Rog (“BSR” for short?), shall be completed. Period.
“Now, therefore, be it resolved, that failure to do so will result in extreme displeasure and disappointment by aforesaid Roger A. Ford, and the millions upon millions anxiously awaiting this historic event.”
After decades of never making any New Year’s Resolution, here’s one I can promise – to attempt.
Note nothing is mentioned about it being published, brilliant, enjoyable, funny, or even comprehensible. Just done.
Achievable? Stay tuned ….
Meanwhile, what’s YOUR 2025 New Year’s Resolution?
Or ResoluTIONSzzz – for the ambitious.
Oh, and Happy New Year!
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